Barry Saucepan and Co Before Hogwarts
by Long live the pickles
Summary: Check out you favourite Barry Saucepan Stories! hehe funny paragraphs by myself and Lemo the Lemon about the characters a year before they came to Hogwarts! Read and Review!
1. Lemo Roberts

Heya everyone!

It's Lemo and Andy/Ambo! Well as you may know, Andy/Ambo has been writing Barry Saucepan. So we decided we would combine our creative writing talents (scoff) and write these stories, just little paragraph on each character in the Barry Saucepan story, a year before Hogwarts! Enjoy:

_Hey all! This is Lemo! Yaaay! Ok, this lil bit of story is set about a year before so their at home._

**Meet Lemo!**

Lemo sat in a dark room. It was her bedroom. All the walls were black, as was all the furniture, just the way Lemo liked it. At the moment she was sitting on top of a large pile of red and black pillows, her head was about 2 centermeters away from the roof. In her hands she held a thick book that was written by Anne Rice. At that moment, the door opened.

"'Lo Mumbob." Lemo said without looking up.

Lemo's "Mumbob" looked around the room,

"Leah," Lemo shuddered, "This place is a shitsty!" Mumbob said looking around the room at the dirty towels, underwear, socks and bits of paper all over the place.

"Yeah, that's how I like it."Lemo said turning a page.

"Well if you don't clean it up I'll ban you from the internet.

Lemo looked up, wide eyed. "NO! I'll clean it! I promise!"

Mumbob nodded, "Good, and while your at it you can do the dishes."

Lemo sighed and chucked her book onto her bed. "Why can't you just do it with magic?"

Mumbob let off an evil cackle. "What'd be the fun in that?"

_A few hours later, on MSN._

(Lemo) Lemo knows where you live says: ...& then she made me clean the car!

(Andy) One by one the garden gnomes steal my sanity says: y didnt she use magic?

Lemo knows where you live says: coz she's evil! I swear she's u-no-hu in disgise

One by one the garden gnomes steal my sanity says: O.O if she WAS then u'd b the daughter of 2 guys!

Lemo knows where you live says: GOD! EW!

One by one the garden gnomes steal my sanity says: lol

Lemo knows where you live says: so, 2moro im goin to the weasel farm wanna cum?

One by one the garden gnomes steal my sanity says: AGAIN!

Lemo knows where you live says: wat? I luv watchen those lil things run around!


	2. Winston errr Roberts

**(written by the actual Lemo). Set during the first book.**

**Winston**

Winston the weasel was sitting by the lake at Hogwarts school for Wizardry, Witchcraft and the art of orgami, pondering over the fact that not many people knew about the orgami part. Winstons crazy owner, Lemo, loooooooooooved orgami. The only problem was, she was crap at it. Strangely enough she could only make deformed weasels. Ah well, enough about that crazy chick.

Winston looked out at the lake and wondered when his good friend, the squid was going to show up. Ah, there he was. The giant squid rose to the top of the lake.

"Sup Winny," he greeted.

"Lo, Squiddy," Winston replied.

"How's the whole 'take over the world' thing going?"

"It'd be great if that annoying Moldy-Wart fella would get lost." Winstin said with a sigh.

"Ah well, that Barry kid - that your humans dating will get rid of 'em eventually." the squid said with a squiddy shrug.

"And then the world will be mine! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Winstin continued to cackle madly until, about ten minutes later, Lemo popped up out of no where. "There you are baby!" She cooed picking Winston up and giving him a bone crushing hug.

"Put me down woman!" Winston cried, but, of course, Lemo didn't understand weasel-talk.


	3. Andrew Watson

**_(Written by the real Andy)_**

**Andrew**

"Now, cock the gun-"

Andrew began laughing.

"Grow up boy!"

"But...so...funny...and...wrong!"

"How in the world am I supposed to teach you how to hunt, if you keep laughing over 'cocking the gun',"

At this Andrew began laughing again,

"Sorry," he spluttered.

"Now, hold the gun would you?"

"Can't!" he said doubling over laughing.

Andrew's grandfather rolled his eyes, his grandson never took to hunting as much as he would have hoped for...he was more interested in confusing things like technology and females.

"Well, I'll show you first...tell me if you see anything good..."

The pair sat low for awhile. A long while. LONG while.

"I'm bored," Andrew stated finally.

"Well, we have to catch dinner, other wise we shall starve!" his grandfather said.

Andrew sighed,

"Can't we just go to McDonalds?"

"No! Need fresh meat!"

"Super market?"

"No! Need real food damn it!"

"Oh."

They waited once again for something to pass. And waited. And waited.

"AHA! There's a bugger!" His grandfather suddenly cried, Andrew jumped a mile - he _was_ about to drift off. Nearby a tree exploded.

"What the bloody hell was that?" his grandfather said cranning his neck. Andrew craned too, admittidly a lot higher than his Grandfather.

"I don't see anything..." Andrew said guiltily - things always seemed to blow-up, explode or break around him.

"It's the blasted Nazis I'm telling you! I swear!"

Andrew shook his head, he'd heard this story before...  
"No Grandad, I don't think the-"

"NAZIS I TELL YOU!"

"Grandad..."

"I'm telling the nearby army!"

"Grandad, we don't _have_ a nearby army..."

"I'll make one!"

"But..."

"And you boy, shall be my first recruit!"

"I can't..."

"Sure, your a little on the pussy foot side...but I reckon I can toughen you up!"

"Grandad..."

"Oh look a rat! DINNER!" his grandad cocked the gun and shot the rat, "See, boy nothing to it...Now you shoot more rats, while I make some tea and recruit more men..."

**Read and Review! Thanks Lemo for correcting the Navy for the Army! lol**


	4. Jub Sheep

**Written by the real Lemo **

**Jub**

"...and they got a giant squid that likes to eat all the first years!"

Jub sqeaked. "They don't!"

"Yeah they do!" her older brother, Temmo, said. "And as soon as you get there - if you make it across the squid infested lake, that is - they sort you into your house. And you have to stay in that house for seven years. They base what house your going to be in on your pesonality and strength, and if you have none your sent home!"

Jub's jaw dropped. "They'd really send you home?"

Temmo nodded, "Yeah, of course. Little weaklings arn't allowed to go to Hogwarts. There's all these tests and challenges you've got to go through to find out what house your in."

"Like what?"  
Temmo smirked, "Not telling, you'll have to wait and see for yourself! Did I mention they have a Forest? And it's crawling with giant spiders and butterflies? And it's got these half -horse half-man creatures that shoot any humans they see?"


	5. Andy Rose

_**This is a side line story of Rando Ambo's Barry Saucepan stories. This story is set a year before everyone goes to Hogwarts...**_

**Meet Andy!**

Hidden and unnoticed Andy sat in 'her' tree, in the middle of her parents farm. No one could see her and it was going to stay that way...

"_Levitanté_," she murmured, waving her fathers wand dangerously around and getting slightly fustrated.

"You know, you may poke someone's eye out with that..." some one said from the bottom of her tree, Andy fell out of the tree in surprise, luckily she didnt fall far...instead she floated.

"Yea!" she yelled in triumph, "Bout time I got it! I've been here for hours! Andyway, Lemo! You scared the shit out of me!"

Lemo pulled a face,

"Andy, what did I say about that saying? Did you _actually_ shit yourself?"

"No..."

"Exactly!" Lemo said smiling, "Anyway...more important-"

"Amber Louise Rose! Have you seen my wand!" Andy's dad called from inside the house, interrupting what Lemo was about to say.

"Uhh...No...Did you look in the fishbowl!" Andy guiltily called back.

"Oh yes, I think I may have left it there..."

Andy began looking desperately in her mums old spell book, "Aha! _Raplacio...fridge_!" Andy's dads wand disapeared from her hand, moments later, Andy's mums voice echoed through the property,

"Neil, you put it in with the eggs!"

"_That's_ where the little bugger went..."

Lemo collasped on the ground laughing,

"Can't believe you get away with that everytime!"

"It's just so easy!" Andy said laughing as well.

"Well, do you want to go do?" Lemo asked wiping tears from her eyes.

"Internet!"

Lemo nodded,

"Agreed."

_Few minutes later on the internet..._

"Now what?" Lemo asked looking at the blinking screen.

"Dunno...Shall we look up spells, for when we go to Hogwarts? You know, so we're ahead?"

Andy and Lemo exchanged looks,

"Nah!"

"Lets look up...System of a Down!" Lemo suggested, Andy nodded in approval and began singing along with Lemo,

"My cock is much bigger than yours! My cock can walked right through the door..."


	6. Donald Weasel

_**This is a side line story of Rando Ambo's Barry Saucepan stories. (Written with the assistance of Lemo Lemo The Lemon - well she was supposed too, but INSTEAD SHE'S READING MAGZINES!) This story is set a year before everyone goes to Hogwarts...**_

**Don**

Don walked down the hall, past his only sisters room. Since he was in a good mood, he decided to pop in on her and give her a surprise visit. Not bothering to knock he walked in,

"Ginny! How are you my darling sister!" he said capturing her into a hug.  
"Don...why are you hugging me? Are you high? Sleep deprived?"

"No! I just wanted a hug!" Don said sounding hurt, "So...what are you doing?" he said changing the subject and looked at Ginny's computer.

"Oh! Nothing...Nothing..." She said blushing, trying to hide the screen from Don.

"What the hell...What _is_ that...?" he said, suprised by how many Barry Saucepan pictures were showed on Google.

"Well..."

"Ginny! Do have a crush on Barry Saucepan? Why!"

"Well...he did defeat you-know-who..."

"He was two!"

"He was one..."

"He was one!"

"Yea...but he's hot too Don!"

"But..." Don spluttered, "You know, he doesn't even know he's a wizard yet...don't you? Remember what Dad said? He was talking to Dumbledore..."

"Yea...but that doesn't stop him from being a hero!"

Don sighed,

"Ginny, he's probably a full of himself asshole. Hero's aren't real people! Besides, people like him don't waste their time with people like us! He'll hang around with people like Malfoy, you know rich, posh, dickheads..."

Ginny looked shocked,

"Don! How can you say that!"

"Because it's true, he's probably an ass. Don't bother with him Ginny, we'll never meet him...Heck the day I'm friends with Barry Saucepan is the day I become Chaser on a Quidditch team!"

"Well, you didn't have to be so negative..."

"Sorry sis! Just telling it like it is!" Don said. He ruffled Ginny's hair and walked out of her room and shut the door.

"Barry Saucepan," he said chuckling and shaking his head.


	7. Cheesy and Banana Kentson

**Cheesy and Banana**

"Oi! That's mine bitch!" Cheesy yelled at her twin, Banana.

"No it's not!"

"Is to!"

A light bulb in the lamp nearby exploded, both girls screamed and ran from the room.

Downstairs their parents sighed and looked at each other.

"We have to send them to a school." Mr. Kentson said.

Mrs. Kentson pursed her lips,

"They're already attending school."

Mr. Kentson took a deep breath trying to remain calm,

"I mean a school for people like _us_."

"Like you, you mean."

"They're like me."

"No they are not-"

"MUM! CHEESY MADE ANOTHER LIGHT EXPLODE!"

"DID NOT!"

"DID TOO!"

"DIE BITCH!"

"WHORE!"

"GIRLS STOP BICKERING! RIANNA REPLACE THE LIGHTBULB!"

Cheesy pouted as Banana grinned,

"Shuddup."

XXXX

_Five minutes later..._

"I still think it'll be better for the girls to go to a school where they will both be excepted! If anyone was to find out they were witches at their current school-"

Mrs. Kentson interrupted,

"We will just move again."

"But moving isn't going to solve the problem!"

"True, but it sure beats sending them off to England to go to some magic school."

"Honey," Mr. Kentson took his wife's head in his hands, "I love you dearly, but you're awfully close minded."

Mrs. Kentson frowned and decided to change the subject,

"The girls are quiet again..."

XXXX

Both girls giggled as they sat in the shed making lightbulbs exploded and reassemble themselves over and over again, both sitting on two of their dads old broomsticks, hovering off the ground.


	8. Lotte Tegan

**Lotte**

"I vont to suck vour bloood!" A young Lotte Tegan bared her rubber fangs in her full length mirror. She began to giggle.

"Charlotte! Josh is at the door for you!" Her mother called from the front door.

"Let him in mum!"

The door clicked open and there was voices before Josh entered Lotte's room. Josh had been Charlotte's friend for many years, ever since she moved in when she was three to be exact. Josh made a beeline for her bed where he sat down,

"So, you're packing for Hogwarts?"

Lotte checked her windows were closed,

"Shh...It's supposed to be a secret, mum will kill me if she finds out I told you!" Lotte shut her bedroom door, "And yes, I am."

Josh looked at the assortment of clothes on Lotte's bedroom floor,

"So what's with the fangs? Their not real are they? I mean I've recently been told your a witch, I'll believe anything now..."

Lotte laughed,

"Nah, I found them in the bottom of one of my drawers...Do you think they'd celebrate halloween at Hogwarts?"

"Well your are thirteen...Most people think they're too old for Halloween by that age, but then they'd have no purpose to celebrate would they? I mean they dress like that anyway. Don't they?"

Lotte shrugged,

"I don't know..."

The room was silent for a moment.

"I don't want you to go," Josh mumbled.

Lotte looked up in surprise,

"What?"

"I know you have to go and learn how to be a good witch and everything...But it sounds dangerous, you know? I googled witchcraft and man...It came up with so much shit. It sounds really dangerous. I mean when you enter this 'wizzarding world' you could get bitten by a werewolf or a vampire or...God knows what else and then you'll never be the same again!"

Lotte sat down next to Josh,

"Josh, this has always been my world with both my parents being who they are. _This is who I am._ And I'm sorry, but trust me. I'll be fine, don't worry..."

XXXX

_Dear Josh,_

_I hope the owl didn't scare you too much. Hey I'm sorry I'm not going to see you until I come back from Hogwarts at Christmas. Maybe I should have taken your words the other day more seriously. The other day I was in a freak accident. Well I don't know whether to call it an accident or what...But I was bitten. By a vampire. I'm currently at the hospital for wizards and witches and they're giving me a whole lots of creams on the bite, but I seriously don't see the point. Josh, I don't think my world will ever be the same again. They got a full grown vampire in to talk to me the other day, he lives off cow blood. He told me he can't deny his life was changed, but he says he's gotten along just fine. He spends his days trying to track down the vampire that bit him so he can kill him and get his old life back, he sounded so hopeful. I think he's dreaming. He's an idiot, there is no hope._


	9. Pigboi Roberts

**Pigboi**

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...Lemo...Are you _sure_ this makes me a better wizard?"

Lemo tried to resist the urge to laugh,

"Of course it does pigboi! Why would you even question that? Would I make you suffer, just so I get entertained?"

"Yes."

"Well I'm not this time! Trust me, you'll be the best wizard in your whole year if you do this everyday at this time."

"Lemo...Piggy? Are you two out - Leah Roberts! What the fuck are you doing to your brother!" Mumbob surveyed the scene: Pigboi dangling by his big toes from the side of the garage.

"I'm making Piggy a better wizard...You know...How dangling from you big toe improves your spell casting ability..." Lemo winked at her mumbob, hoping she won't ruin Lemo's fun.

Mumbob nodded, understanding,

"Oh! How nice of you to tell Piggy about that...Umm...Exercise?"

"So she's not just trying to get cheap entertainment?" Pigboi looked surprised.

"Of course it does sweetheart! This...exercise...Dates back to the wizards of ancient Egypt, the best wizards of the ancient wizarding world!"

"They had garages in the ancient wizarding world?"

Mumbob frowned,

"Uh...Yea..."

Pigboi looked temporarily confused and then just nodded,

"Well if the egyptians did it! How much longer do I have to go Lemo?"

"Two more hours..."

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow..."

Mumbob shook her head,

"And while you do that Piggy, Lemo is going to clean her room. _Isn't_ _she_ _Lemo_?"

Lemo hung her head,

"Yes mumbob..."


End file.
